My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i think i just lost a toe
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