i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
ttyl tear gas
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
