made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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