i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
