im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
