physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
im holly from the hills drunk
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
