my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
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