i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
