I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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