Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
