Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
