I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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