Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
