No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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