my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
