wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
