Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Drunk is not a location!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
