It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
