im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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