I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
