I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
