I wanna passion pit in your ass
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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