He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize