I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
