Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
