I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
