She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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