Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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