This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize