Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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