He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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