my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
