Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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