party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize