She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
