i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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