my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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