I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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