tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
