i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
