Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
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We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
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I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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