I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
