those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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