i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
