I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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