have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
