What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
