Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
