Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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