wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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