she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
