Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
