TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
