I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
