i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
