Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
