Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
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Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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