thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
