He is such a slut. More and more my type.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
