True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
