Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
