I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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