So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
