when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
