my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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