you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
