We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
