wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
