i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
