recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
