I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He felt like a one man threesome
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So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
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Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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