think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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