Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
