I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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