I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
