Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
soo... how was my night?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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